Earlier this year, I wrote about Beyoncé’s politically charged Super Bowl performance and the scandal that arose in its wake. Half the world praised her for giving Black empowerment a moment in the media, while the other half branded her a racist and threatened to boycott her music.
Beyoncé made no apologies and paid no heed to the angry mob. Instead, she later followed up the performance with the release of Lemonade. Since its release, the album has inspired critical acclaim, a whole new host of pop culture references… and the witch hunt for one very elusive “Becky”.
In her song Sorry, Beyoncé stated:
He only want me when I’m not there He better call Becky with the good hair
Brilliantly Bad Decision
In hopes of capitalising on the spotlight thrown on Beyoncé yet again, two staffers of Glamour devised a brilliantly terrible plan. They fired back at Beyoncé’s Becky with the Good Hair by posting:
I had to see it to believe it. I couldn’t believe that anyone living in a multicultural society, like America or the UK, could be so bloody clueless as to why this would be inappropriate.
The responses on social media further brought perhaps the biggest embarrassment any lifestyle and entertainment brand has faced in quite some time.
Glamour Magazine is not Alone
But I would soon learn that Glamour staffers weren’t the only ones who didn’t quite get it. Many people actually have no idea what this means.
The following day, while Michael and I drove back from the gym, I asked him if he had heard about the incident.
To put things into context here, let me just inject the necessary detail that my husband is White.
Michael raps, has more Black friends than I do, and knows more about Ebonics than I will ever care to learn. Yet, even he was clueless as to why the article was offensive, and as to what on Earth the phrase “Becky with the good hair meant”.
“Isn’t that the whole thing about Jay-Z cheating on Beyoncé?” he asked me.
“Becky isn’t the point. Don’t you know what ‘good hair’ means?” I asked incredulously.
He didn’t.
It was at that moment that I had to step back and re-evaluate what I believed should have been common knowledge and fairly obvious. After all, I come from a predominantly Black country, whereas America is… well… America.
So let me explain why this is not just another minority-tantrum like the many that make it through the media.The History Lesson
Of all the angry tweets directed at Glamour, this one summed up the root of the problem best.
The keywords here are “historical significance”. This is because the phrase good hair wasn’t coined by Beyoncé for Lemonade, or even by 90s rap. It’s been a part of the Black Movement and the Black struggle since the days of slavery, and is deeply rooted in the journey of Black women (and men) from properties to human beings.
To keep slaves compliant, they were taught that their natural features made them somehow less worthy of rights and freedoms than other races. This primarily included the colour of their skin, and the texture of their hair. Coincidentally, these are the two most distinguishing features of what it means to be Black.
After slavery, as civil rights movements took shape and Blacks received their first chance of assimilating into regular society, these differences posed a problem. But while Black skin brought no inherent inconveniences besides people’s personal biases, Black hair did.
Let me explain how.
The Struggle is Real
For most Black women, our hair is still a part of that daily struggle – especially in an era where personal appearances mean so much. Our friends of other ethnic groups and mixes can easily throw their hair into a ponytail in five seconds. But our frizzy hair obeys no law and no man.
Even in the corporate world, many of us are forced to ditch our natural hair, because corporate thinks our kinky locks are too naughty for regular business operations. And at my Catholic school, every ethnic hair-do was banned in the rule books, and as we tried new ones – like my signature Mickey Mouse puffs in seventh grade – those were quickly outlawed, too.
But ironically, the people who notice our hair the most? – is us. While other teenagers mostly worried about body image issues and acne, we worried about that and our hair. Maybe mostly our hair.
Many of us have tried everything – perms, presses, cornrows, braids, and just cutting the damn thing off. Sometimes we’ve done so much crap to it, it just falls off on its own…
And all of that to conform to what regular society decides is good hair – which is essentially not our stubborn kinky hair. Good hair is the Black Community’s bitterly-spoken name for obedient, soft, silky smooth locks of the Mixed, the Asians, Latinas, and of course White folks.
It’s worry-free hair; the hair of the models they put in Pantene ads, and the girls on Pinterest with an effortless bun on the top of their heads.
In contrast, our naturally dry, frizzy hair is bad hair. We are taught from an early age through dolls, school rules, corporate expectations, and the media that our genetically gifted natural hair is not sufficient, fashionable, or appropriate.
To soften the message, the media often puts forward an image that kinky (or nappy hair) looks like this:
This is true to an extent, but more accurately, this is what African hair looks like when a woman is mixed. In other words, if Michael and I had a daughter, she would likely have a similar hair type to either of these two women. Often times, these hair-types become grouped with good hair because it’s “less Black”.
But for most of us, our hair looks a bit more like this:
Imagine trying to get hair that kinky to meet society’s professional, beautiful, and neat standards, like these Beckys with the Good Hair.
And then imagine the overwhelming pressure to meet these expectations. We quite literally get chemical burns from relaxers and heat burns from press combs just trying to keep up. As one tweep summed it up nicely:
The Way Forward
Of course, things are changing now. Many corporations “allow” us to wear our natural hair without causing a fuss. I, for instance, wore my dreadlocks when I worked at Xerox Business Services.
Similarly, many magazines, fashion shows, and movies also feature Black women who embrace their natural heritage; whether they have bad hair, good hair or something in-between.
As we grow older we learn what works for us, and we accept that we’ll just have to spend more time and more money on making our bad hair good enough to meet societal expectations.
In fact, Beyoncé made a strong statement by refusing to chemically alter her daughter’s hair – at least, not yet. However, when that same Queen Bey – the most powerful female symbol in the Black Community – hires a team to make her look like a Becky with the Good Hair, you know we still have a ways to go…
I found this article superbly profound. I being caucasian obviously didn’t know the struggle of “good hair.” Since my niece who is of mixed race has been born, it has been my sister’s mission to put all sorts of products in her hair so that it could look more like those pictures in this article. My beautiful little niece would oftentimes say she had “boy hair” and tell me that she wished she had mine – long. This would break my heart, for she is the most beautiful little girl I have ever seen. I never want her to grow up thinking she is less than anyone because of her hair. I feel so very sorry that having natural hair is unacceptable in the workplace, I am so very saddened that having pride in natural beautiful bountiful hair that God has blessed you with, is not deemed appropriate for western standards, It’s revolting. I loved how this article opened my eyes, informed me greatly, broke my heart, and truly understand that society needs to grow the hell up and realize we are all perfect in our own individualism.
Thank you so much for reading and reaching out Ashley. I hope you share the article with your sister as well, so she can also understand.
I’ve had so many White mothers of Mixed race children reach out since this article, that I’ve been thinking of writing an article advising them as best I can, as well.
It is very sad that we are “shamed” by our hair, but I also believe that we control how others let us feel about ourselves. Unfortunately, this is a very difficult concept to grasp as a child, and some adults never grow into that way of thinking.
Try to teach your niece to embrace her hair. Show her the benefits of being what she is, and try buying her dolls with a similar appearance to herself. That’s what my neighbour did and it helped a lot.
All the best and reach out any time with questions!
Honestly this speaks to me and I am so glad you wrote it. I was just trying to have this conversation with a friend of mine who is a white male and not a fan Beyoncé about how the media is focusing on the wrong thing looking for Becky with the good hair, and you were able to explain it perfectly.
Thank you Sara! Maybe you should share this post with your friend. Quite a few White men and women have reached out to me to say it explained it well enough for them as well. I certainly had to give my husband the talk as well, haha. Have a good one and come by again! 🙂
Wow. Since my best friends who are African American spend so much time making their hair “good”, I knew what the term meant. But I am shocked that the magazine didn’t do their research.
Well, you’re a wise woman to take notice. This stumped even my husband, and I’m not his first Black partner so I think it takes special insight to put two and two together. Kudos to you! I’m shocked at Glamour as well.
This was a really good post, very eye-opening. As a caucasian living / working in a basically lily-white situation, I’ve always loved the appearance of natural hair, and it is sad to see such pressure to change it. And now, I get it, a little bit. Thank you for informing me.
You’re welcome! I’m glad this post helped to put things into perspective for you and so many others.
Reblogged this on 22 Shades of Wanderlust and commented:
This has been quite the educational experience, because I, too, didn’t know what Becky with the “good hair” really means. As a young black woman, I’ve always been aware of The Powers that Be’s ideals and opinions about my appearance. My question of the day is “Why the Hell do they care?”
Pardon me for not wanting to go bald fucking with perms or spending hundreds of thousands of dollars maintaining weaves, but your standards are unrealistic and unfair.
Thanks for reblogging, and the commentary that went with! Haha. Have a good one!
I loved this post. I have always wanted good hair but I am learning to love the hair I have.
We’ve all been there, and eventually we must all appreciate what we have. I believe the key lies in finding out what works for us. In my case, that was dreads.
I just did a post about my hair journey, in case your interested. https://bigmouthjo.wordpress.com/2016/05/13/my-mixed-race-hair-journey/
Great article, I appreciate the topic choice.
Thank’s Bryan! Good to see so many men joining in on the conversation. Too often do we think of these things from only a female’s perspective, so thanks again for dropping by!
No problem! I enjoyed the read. These are life issues, not just gender specific issues in my opinion, so I appreciate reading on topics like this because it impacts everyone.
Not everyone has that perspective, so kudos to you. 🙂
Thank you 🙂
Wow! Enjoyed the post .
Thank you! I’m glad you did. Feel free to share with others who might as well. 🙂