A few weeks ago, I posted on social media:
The fact that Trump is now the republican candidate for President of the United States, says more about America than it does about Trump.
Now that Americans have handed him the Oval Office in a landslide win, I’ve learned even more about the country I chose to make my home. I am not asking you to justify your voting decision or your beliefs. In fact, at this point it’s far too late to care.
I understand also that there are many Americans who tried to stop this from happening, and was as blindsided by failure as I was. This is not for you. Or perhaps it is, so you can see how very right you were to consider more than just yourselves when you voted. I thank you.
With that in mind, I want to give you some insight into the immigration journey of a woman who represents several marginalised groups in America.
I am Black.
I am a woman.
But worst of all: I am an immigrant.
An Untimely Entrance
When I arrived on my routine summer vacation in July 2015, I was ecstatic to be in America, as I always was. I was at a high-point in my life, having given up my dead-end job in payroll to chase my dreams. I was meeting new people, seeing new places, experiencing new things.
But by January, my fun came to an abrupt end. I was beginning to notice a lot of little things in American culture that in 17 years of traveling to the U.S., had not surfaced before. I noticed a targeting of women and minorities; and I noticed a growing hatred or fear of immigrants, made worse by Trump and his campaigns.
I noticed bigotry.
“I came here at the wrong time,” I confided in my friends. “All these years my mother asked me to move and I stayed behind, and of all the years I could have picked to come here, it just had to be this one.”
The Adjustment Period
In Message in a Bottle, I described how very bleak my life was from February into late September. At the time, I did not explain why that was, and perhaps a time will come when I divulge that full story. For now, I say only that much of it came from difficulties adjusting to a new life here.
But let us rewind to the beginning. When I first arrived in America, before the fun died out, being Jamaican was still a good thing. There were important times when it had to be said – when I was asked why I didn’t have a driver’s license, why I didn’t own a credit card, why I had to return home (or so, the original plan had gone) in six months.
“Oh, you’re Jamaican!” the favourable response would go. I was then told from one person and another not to change; not to lose the ideals I had brought with me from my country. Never assimilate. Never fall into the many traps of life in America. Never adopt their ills.
But as the months wore on, that wore off. As I was faced with new experiences and challenges, as a resident in the States, I became upset. This was not the America I had known for 17 years. What changed? Or did I just not notice this all before?
As more Americans, who had never even left their country, tried to tell me this was the way of the world, I tried to show them that no, this was the way of America. Things were much different back home – and elsewhere.
Unwelcome
Immigration
That’s when the xenophobic and anti-immigrant comments started, mostly from one White American family member, I expected to have my back. I couldn’t discuss any issue in America without being met with:
- Oh my God! Why are we so different? Why can’t you just agree with me?
- You always want to think you’re right, but I’m American. Why can’t you just listen and do what I say? I know what I’m talking about.
- If America sucks so bad, why are you here? Why don’t you just go home?
- One day you will be American too, so you might as well just suck it up and be American and accept that this is your life, and you are one of us.
- OH MY GOD! I don’t care what happened in Jamaica! You’re in America now. You need to pay attention to what’s going on here!
- Oh, so are you going to feel guilty now when you become American and everyone else in the world is poor and starving? We do what we do to maintain our wealth as a nation, and you will benefit from it, too. Let’s see how guilty you feel in three years!
For the most part, I grit my teeth and swallowed the words that were bile rising in my throat. Once the exotic wonder, in just a few months, I was expected to forget who I was and where I had come from. I must assimilate. Forget some more. And then become American.
Race
When matters of ethnicity and race relations came up, the discussions fared no better:
- Racism doesn’t exist. The media brainwashed that into people’s heads. And what about reverse racism? You know what it was like being a White boy in the hood?
- Yes. I would laugh if my kid came home and asked me what a “nigger” was. Why? Because it’s funny!
- Oh my God! Are we talking about race again??? This is such a waste of time.
- You are the ONLY Black person I know who feels the need to talk about race this much. Why can’t we talk about video games, or something?
Gender
As a woman in the United States, I have also enjoyed far less freedoms than I did back home. In Jamaica, where abortion is albeit illegal, birth control is my own business. I can walk into any pharmacy and purchase pills over the counter with no questions asked. I can even get birth control pills for free at clinics.
In Jamaica, there is also a reverence for women that I have completely lost here. Though Jamaican men are far too bold for their own good, I’d be lying if I said they were any worse than what I encountered here.
Like the man who assaulted me in September and was grabbed in the throat and put in his place, as thanks for his advances. Or the guy who followed me to my mother’s apartment and cornered me, because how dare I ignore him while he “hollered” at me.
Women are not revered here. There is no respect for women as mothers, wives, or daughters. Women can’t even breastfeed without raising alarm. And as we’ve seen with the constant vilification of Hillary, career women are often the least respected of them all.
As one Twitter user pointed out:
#ElectionNight This election proved that everyone will forgive a man for anything, while a woman will always be judged mercilessly.
— M. R. Kelly (@MRKellyWrites) November 9, 2016
The Process
The discomfort did not stop there. I was constantly reminded that if I wasn’t an immigrant playing a waiting game with the government, then I wouldn’t be so dependent. I would have more money, drive my own car, and have less need of friends to do my bidding.
“You’re so irresponsible,” The American said to me one day. “Can’t do anything yourself, so you have to rely on your friends to do it for you. Don’t you think they have better things to do?”
The irony is that many Americans remember how hard it is to leave home and move to a new city or state, but often can’t grasp what it’s like to move to a whole new country. So let me share a bit of how that works, especially for the people clamouring for tighter immigration controls.
It’s not easy going to another country and relearning their laws, their taxes, this bloody thing called an SSN, driving on the wrong side of the road, and learning traffic laws completely opposite to what we know back home.
Some of us have to learn a new language altogether. And by all accounts, even my British English is bad spelling and bad grammar as far as America is concerned. Try swallowing that as a writer.
It cost me at least US$3000 to do my paperwork so far. That’s not counting the fees that remain ahead for citizenship. The country does not care how you work to pay for it, while you wait on your work permit. Your problem, not theirs. But if they catch you working in America, you’ll be deported and your employer fined.
During the immigration process, you are pricked and poked and tested and given vaccines for diseases you never even had, whether you like it or not. Then, they send you to be fingerprinted, and run your records through the FBI’s criminal database.
And then there’s the immigration interview with an Officer, featuring questions like:
- Have you ever supported a communist, or terrorist organisation?
- Have you ever smuggled drugs, people, or contraband into the country?
- Have you ever been or bought a prostitute in the past ten years?
- What side of the bed does your husband sleep on?
- When was your wife’s last menstrual cycle?
- What kind of panties is she wearing right now?
The Contrast
To be fair, Jamaica puts immigrants through its own set of hoops, as well. In fact, in some ways Jamaica is a lot more strict. Not only do you get interviewed, but you can expect a visit to your home. And the bureaucratic process can have people on a waiting list for up to seven years. I’ve seen it.
But when it comes to welcoming tourists and immigrants into our culture, we do far better, and any of you that have visited my island before can attest to that.
To be sure, Jamaicans by nature are blunt people. We are not politically correct, and will speak our minds, whatever the cost. If we heard a stereotype about your people that will probably piss you off, please know, one day we will ask you about it anyway.
This is not out of any malicious intent. We are a curious people – always open, and always learning. When we come across foreigners, we not only want to share our culture and press it upon you, we want to learn about your own. We want a mutual exchange.
Where are you from? What language do they speak? Are there Black people there? Where is your country on a map? Oh that’s where it is – well I know someone from this country five places over that has an accent almost like yours.
We never – and I do mean never – tell anyone it’s about time they learn to speak our language or our dialect. In fact, we often like it better when you don’t embarrass yourself by trying to speak patois (our Creole).
More often than not, Jamaicans help to ease the transition for you by tempering the accent so you can understand us better; and even learning some of your language, so we can communicate.
And when we say you should stay true to your culture, we mean it. We live our motto in Jamaica every day:
Out of many – one people.
With a background like this, I’m sure virtually anyone can understand how appalled I was to come to the U.S. and see immigrants pushed to the bottom of the barrel – the uneducated rapists in society, stealing American jobs and American women.
Never mind the Stanford-educated rapists, like Brock Turner. When you’re a privileged American, grabbing women by the crotch is perfectly fine – even if you sneak some penetration in, while you’re at it.
The Great Disappointment
For a long time, I hoped that The American family member I allowed to torture me for a year was the only one of his kind.
Perhaps, I maintained contact for that long, because I hoped our friendship might show him the other side of the coin. The side he chose not to see, as a privileged White Male in America.
Needless to say, that didn’t work. What did work was watching his comrades vote President Trump into the White House. Now, he believes racism and bigotry are alive and well in America. It’s no longer just the media brainwashing us all. Too bad it’s far too late to do anything about it, for another four years.
To say I am disappointed in America and Americans is an understatement. I suppose the Land of the Free is reserved for White males in America. For the rest of us – women, minorities, immigrants – it’s the Home of the Brave.
The home of the people who must overcome racism, xenophobia, and misogyny – ironically from people who swear it does not exist – to move forward and achieve our goals.
My story is not unique or unusual. And frankly it’s mild compared to what other immigrants have suffered. It’s not easy being an immigrant anywhere. And over the next four years, I imagine it will be especially hard as an immigrant in America.
But nonetheless I thank Trump. I thank him for exposing America for what it really is. I thank him for showing me America’s true colours.
This year, red is very telling.
I am so sorry for all of the sexism, racism and prejudice you have endured. This country really should take a good look at itself (maybe by leaving its borders and actually -seeing- others), see its faults, acknowledge them, and work to change. As a white woman, I can sympathize with some of your troubles, but not nearly all of them, and I’m not going to tell you how to feel. But I will continue to fight for you.
Thank you. A few people have responded by doing exactly that: trying to tell me what my proper response should be. Or worse, trying to compete with me by showing me how much worse or how equal their positions are as White women or men. Ironically, these people fall into the same dogma as the American in the article, and the cycle continues unbroken.
I’m happy to say that most of you have not taken this route, and have tried to understand even when you can’t relate to the full experience.
As usual great words… it was important for me to watch the interview with Barbara Boxer that Chelsea Handler did the day after the election to remind myself that while Trump won per the Electoral College, he did not win the majority vote, not even close. Boxer reminded us that more people voted against him then voted for him and that while it’s not especially comforting right now it is at least a step in the right direction, which seems small but is actually big. They are now projecting that she will have more than 2 million votes more than Trump when the ballots are finally completely counted, and while I’m mad as hell I’m still proud to see that he did not win any landslides as it originally seemed by the Electoral count, that more people recognized that we needed a woman in charge who may be imperfect but actually cared about all of our citizens. What bothers me so much right now is how many people are getting in such a twist that people are protesting the results of this election. As for me I am proud of those who are speaking out and not trying to tell others that they have to accept the results, whether it be by marching in the streets or writing their feelings or donating to causes close to their hearts even more than they did before or simply talking to each other about how messed up this is. I am terrified that our next president is KKK endorsed and hired a white nationalist as his Chief strategist and that one of his first plans is to try to get Roe v Wade overturned, something that was instituted just before I was born and took so many years to pass. Now it’s time to gather our strength as our community is bigger than we think, and time to work even more at the grass-roots and state levels to make sure people are protected.
One thing I will absolutely disagree with is that Trump’s victory is not about America’s “True Colors”, as that is making a blanket statement about the entire population, when the entire population didn’t vote for him. Yes there are a lot of people who have a huge problem but there are also a lot of people who don’t agree with him, and I’m proud that he was beaten by over 2 million people in the popular vote. A lot of people said they’d move to a different country and I admit that being born to an Australian we talked about it as well, since we could easily go to Melbourne if we really need, but ultimately there are very few countries that aren’t screwed up in some way. I look at Australia for example who has gone from having so much hope with the Labour party to know being controlled by the Republican-esque Liberals ( so weird that the word liberal means two different things in two different countries) who are trying to do so many of the same things that Trump wants to do. And then of course there’s Brexit. And the thing is that no matter where we go, the world is in such a way that there’s very little way to escape the influence of what’s going on in other countries. Dan and I talked about how if the stock markets took a dive because of Trump’s win that this would affect Australia’s economy as well along with all of his retirement savings that he got from working there for 25 years, so who knows if anything would actually be better there ( and considering how much blatant racism there is in Australia I find myself hard-pressed to leave the fairly diverse community I live in now).
All we can do now is to not give up on so many people in this country who need us even more with 2017 facing us in just a month-and-a-half. As I told my husband last night it seems like everything is two steps forward one step back, but the only thing keeping me getting up every morning is knowing how many good people are out there, and that while social media seems to be teeming with hate, there are more on the side of good then on the side of bad, we just can’t always hear them.
Well as I said in the introduction to the piece, I understand that many people voted against Trump. The article was also written on the day after election, so I wrote it in that context, not the context of where the ballot votes currently are.
The fact remains, however, that whether Trump won popular votes or not, and even if 60% of America voted for Hillary, he still won. There are states that swayed over to him in the 60+ percentile range. I made a list so I could know never to visit those places, not in this current sociopolitical climate.
It’s very easy for Americans, especially White Americans, to go, well he didn’t win the popular vote so it’s not as bad, but that’s not a luxury for the rest of us. That’s still at least 40% of Americans I have to be careful of. 40% of Americans who decided racism was not a deal breaker. And that’s a LOT to deal with for immigrants, for women, and for Blacks. Gods forbid you’re all 3 – like me.
White Americans, who are far less affected, are concerned with not looking bad. We’re concerned with bigger fish: the possibility of stricter immigration laws, of being sent home halfway through processing, being separated from our families, of dealing with even MORE prejudice than I already outlined here. Those are our concerns, and even 40% of Americans leaning for Trump is enough to make our lives a living hell.
Please know that I’m – along with many others who point out the popular vote win of HRC – not saying that “it’s not so bad”, I’m simply trying to find something positive in the shitstorm we are dealing with as a country. I can choose to find the good and try to build upon that, or I can do nothing, and with the many out there – including myself – who are affected (and while we could argue about who’s affected the most, ultimately the hate that’s out there affects everyone of every race, gender, religion, etc.), I feel like I need to acknowledge my pain while also finding ways to do something (not “heal” but rather channel that energy into something positive for my community).
As a woman, while not a woman of color, I’ve also paid attention to the fact that along with racism, sexism was *also* not a dealbreaker in this election, and both shake me to the core. Our abilities as women to choose what we do with our own bodies is at risk. As a woman going through multiple rounds of IVF to deal with infertility, I’ve dealt with the “pro-life” crowds who tell women that IVF is murder and should not be allowed because the unused embryos are babies to them that can ultimately be destroyed after a woman (if a woman) gets pregnant. I’ve dealt with sexism my whole life and at 42 have seen how deeply ingrained it is in society, so much so that often people blow it off more than any other ism. And this is not a “pain olympics” type of comment that I make, that one group of people is more or less deserving of empathy, rather saying that one cannot fairly say that the color of my skin indicates that I’m more concerned with ‘not looking bad’. I’m concerned for the daughter I’m adopting from a half-Muslim country in Africa, will she even be allowed into the country? What will her life be here in America when the adoption goes through? Would I be better off ending the journey to bring a child (whether by my uterus or via adoption) into the world because of the President-elect, or should I dig deeper and do more to support my community and my state and my country in taking it in a direction of love rather than hate? I have to choose the latter. As far as avoiding the states that voted Trump, that’s one tactic but sadly, people in every state voted for him. I’m in a state where Clinton easily won and where Portland wouldn’t let him speak so he had to go to the southern part of the state (where there were still protesters) – but that Trump still got a ton of votes. I guess what I’m saying is that this election just highlighted what’s always been there. Every state has issues with racism and sexism and every state has people who have to live in environments include that hate (not to mention homophobia, xenophobia, and more). I’ve seen the reality check first-hand of people immigrating to America, including my husband and many friends, and the reality check they get after living here that it’s just as imperfect as anywhere else. I live in Oregon which is one of the top states for people to move to, thinking it’s some kind of mecca then realizing the racism here is just a muted, passive-aggressive version. Hell, we had to deal with white supremacists taking over a wildlife refuge in our state…and after destroying it and causing all kinds of hell for the tribes and other residents, they managed to win their court case and go free. But it doesn’t mean I’m not going to visit that part of the state. While I completely respect your opinion and decision to not visit the states that voted majority for Trump, for me it’s slightly different in that my view is that these places need to see more people who represent the winners of the popular vote, rather than less. Not in a risk-ones-life kind of way, but rather visiting areas within those states where things are going the *right* direction and stopping by places where they might not be and introducing myself. While it sucks that women and people of color and others discriminated against have to often be the ones doing the educating, I don’t know of any other way to make a positive difference beyond my vote. I am not thinking about not looking bad, I’m thinking of all the women around me of all colors who have dealt with the shit that a male-dominated society has dealt to them over the centuries, how we are not Constitutionally protected by an ERA, how John Adams laughed off his wife when she asked him to “think about the ladies” when he went to go write the Constitution, how Jefferson was romanticized for Sally Hemings even though he was actually raping her, how there is a statute of limitations for sexual assault and child molestation/rape cases (something Trump has been accused of both) and how myself and so many others have been victims of that. While some women may be in denial about how they’ll be affected, I’m not one of them. If women are affected, so are men ultimately, just as if people of color are affected, so are we all as a population. My husband is not yet a citizen, and has a year to go before he can even apply, so can’t vote here nor in the country of his birth, and current laws dictate that he is not even allowed to be on the adoption paperwork as anything more than another ‘occupant’ of the home we share – so, not as an adoptive father. What will happen for us if immigration laws are tightened even further? I don’t know.
But I do know this – our country has a long way to go, and this election has simply illuminated what already existed.
You summed up my point when you said the elections highlighted what was already here: a lot of racism, sexism, and xenophobia. Even homophobia has come around for another election. And that was my point when I say Trump showed me America’s true colours. It showed me that all those things are still rampant in a country I thought had moved past that.
I have chosen not to go to many of those states for my own safety. If citizens there want to feel offended by that, then oh well. My safety comes before their feelings, and their patriotism. Why go where the overwhelming majority has decided I’m not welcome? And why risk it when there are blue states that are generally speaking more welcome, that I haven’t seen? I’ll be out west for vacation.
One of the things my husband had to learn the hard way was that as a White American male married to a Black immigrant woman, not even when you walk beside us through life, you don’t really understand our position. You can emphathise and observe, but at the end of the day, our reality is far different from your own. It’s not fair to try to tell us how to feel, and how to react when we’re the ones who got slapped in the face. That’s for us to decide.
I understand that my groups are not the only ones affected, and I never claimed to be an expert on anyone else. I didn’t even speak about the African American experience with elections, because I respect that I’m not one of them and it’s not my forte, even if at a glance people inaccurately lump me in with them. I spoke only about my experience as being a Black, immigrant, female. Everyone else will have to speak for themselves, as their own authority.
I will say though, I tire of White Americans telling me it’s not so bad because Hillary won popular vote. To us that’s just more salt in the wound. It makes you guys look better sure, but for us, the road ahead does not change when Trump is still president and making the rules. It doesn’t mean anything. It’s like saying this sucks, but come sympathise with us for a bit. I’m not saying that’s everyone’s conscious intention, but that’s what it starts to feel like after a while. We just get tired of hearing it.
Beautifully written. And on point.
Thank you 🙂
Powerful post, thank you for sharing.
My brain keeps rejecting the thought of “him” as America’s president. That can’t be right. It CAN’T be right! I think I took a wrong turn somewhere and reality went on without me. Yes, that must be it.
I’m feeling the same way at the moment, about Trump and other things. But alas, this is the hand we’ve been dealt.
Thanks for reading and sharing your thoughts.
Excellent post!
Thank you Adrian!
I am touched and saddened by your ordeal. I am in total agreement with you. There has been this hate in America for a long time and now Trump has opened Pandora’s box of horrors and so many if his supporters now feel they have the right and duty to rid America of those that don’t agree with them, are a different race than them or are handicapped in some way. I have feared and dreaded the day this terrible beast would raise its ugly head. I hope and pray that the current protests show trump the need to draw the country together. As he claimed he will do. We’ll see! I fear he is allowing his followers to control him. There are many who are also scared of exactly what is happening. My prayers are with you. There are lots of good people in America. I hope you can find good people to surround yourself with. You deserve to have a whole troupe of nice people by your side. Hang in there, girl, you’re not alone, we women are in this together. I am a white, middle-class, middle-age woman and I despise trump’s attitude toward women. Women: WE ARE AMERICA! We are the good, the kind, the best of America. We are strong and we will not allow any man to treat us with the disrespect the president-elect does! We have power, we cannot let insecure bullies make us think otherwise!
Thank you! I have found many great people to surround myself with here, but many of them are immigrants themselves. I always wondered why there was so much segregation when I came here, but now I understand. Even White immigrants go through a lot of what I have.
I do hope this is just America acting out and getting worse before it does get better. In any case, I fear the road ahead for women, for minorities, for immmigrants.
Thanks for your reply, Alexis. My older brother, who has lived in France all his adult life, is telling me my blogging is “merde” and that I should stop immediately. It sounds a lot like your relative in America. He’s advising me to use Facebook to publicise my writing to friends and to get off WordPress straight away. I’m feeling very angry and upset. He uses blogger and his writing is journalistic, not like mine. Can you have a look at my blogs and see if you feel how I could improve: write4publish.com is the one I use to connect with the blogging community and anneskyvington.com is my self-hosted WordPress/Bluehost one. Thanks again
Hi Anne. Your older brother sounds either mean, jealous, or both. I have used both Blogger and WordPress and highly recommend the latter over all other platforms. I’ve tried several.
As for your blog, I use the WordPress app to browse, so I don’t see the layout, just the content. How to improve depends on what your aim is.
If you’re looking for more hands on/professional services, please check the Hire Me tab for details.
All the best!
So generous and brave of you to share this amazing insight into the demonic triad of discrimination that you have experienced. And you express it so well. We have dear friends in the US, so it was a pity when, in Philadelphia for a short visit, an ambulance “played chicken” with me when I was crossing the road to see the Liberty Bell. The vehicle came roaring towards me at a pedestrian crossing, then veered off at the last minute. As a middle-aged visitor to the country, it left me in shock and with a bitter taste in my mouth. My lasting impression was a sense of violent hatred towards women by some faceless male persons in the country. I empathise with you and your experiences.
I’m sorry your visit was terrible Anne. Visiting Pennsylvania was an eye opener for me too. That was my first taste of racism in America, though ironically it was done to make me feel more welcome.
I walked into a bar full of white men listening to country music and playing pool. Suddenly, the juke box stopped playing country music and started playing hip hop and rap. They then tipped their hats to me.
I don’t even listen to rap and hip hop. I went straight to the box and put in $20 worth of rock music. The atmosphere changed after that. The band I chose was a favourite of the guy closest to me at the bar. I hope he learned a valuable lesson about stereotyping.
Thanks again for reading and commenting.
I’m sorry to hear of your experiences. But happy that you’re still moving forward with the immigration process. You seem like a strong and intriguing woman.
Trump received 47% of the popular vote, which means that 53% did not vote for him. Yet you ended with, “But nonetheless I thank Trump. I thank him for exposing America for what it really is. I thank him for showing me America’s true colours.”
Please know that racism, bigotry, and the lot are not the true colors of our country. Jerks will be jerks to whomever is different from themselves–be it based on race, gender, socieconomic class–regardless of their own status. Know that there are those of who, despite the color of our skin, see the injustice and do speak out against it.
Thank you for reading and commenting. However, I do stand by my conclusion, that Trump’s victory showed me America’s true colours.
Even if the tables had turned and Hillary had won and kept the popular vote, the fact would remain that almost half of American voters embraced Trump’s sentiments. With a number like 47%, I can’t imagine why you would think that somehow this isn’t so bad.
Back after an unplugged weekend… I’ve got a lot of thoughts on this but don’t want to bog down your comments. You’re right–there are a lot of ways people act unjustly towards people who are different from them. And that’s a horrible thing. I’m not sure anyone fully agreed with the candidates this election. So many times I heard people expressing how reluctant they were to even cast their votes because it felt as if they were trying to decide between the lesser of two evils. While Trump securing a position as president-elect came as a surprise, his margin was far from a landslide. It shows a people divided, not amongst themselves but within themselves.
By electoral votes it was a landslide, but by popularity, no.
While both candidates had their fair share of scandal surrounding them, Trump was far worse. Hillary had some emails. Trump is facing charges for raping a 12 year old girl, and other litigation over his hotel and fake university.
It’s okay to be divided on political opinions. But everyone who voted for Trump (almost half of voters), and those who didn’t bother voting to vote against him, decided that racism, xenophobia and misogyny were not deal breakers for a president. That is far more disturbing than differences of opinion.