If you’re the lucky human of a proud feline, you probably have some idea about the obvious things your cat gets into. Cats love tuna, and if you let them develop a taste for human food, you can never leave your plate unattended and expect to find it as you left it.
In my home, Shadow gets cat food and cat food only. Every so often, we let him have a smidgen of tuna or kick a crab claw around, but that happens maybe twice per year. If you give him human food, he rightly wonders if you have lost your mind. Even if you put it in his bowl, he will play football with it, but he won’t eat it.
So, what are the items in my home that are never safe when Shadow is on the prowl? Well, let’s just say they might surprise you.
1. Lip Balm
This used to be Shadow’s favourite item to steal in the house. My lips get chapped very easily, so I often bought several of these at a time and placed them at convenient locations around the house. One by one, they began to disappear. At first, I thought I must just be careless and forgetful, so I bought some more. Those disappeared too.
“I can’t possibly be that forgetful,” I thought to myself. One day, while walking around in the apartment, I felt a lump under the rug in the living room and lifted it up. Lo and behold, three Chapsticks stashed by my four-legged thief!
2. Ponytail Holders
I have a full, thick head of heavy dreadlocks. To keep them out of my face, I used to rely on ponytail holders. I bought these by the dozen, and like the lip balm, I would place them at convenient locations around my home. These started to disappear around the same time the Chapsticks did.
It only compounded my belief that I must have slipped into an advanced level of forgetfulness. Well, when I discovered Shadow’s Chapstick stash, what do you think I found there with them? Why, several of my ponytail holders, of course! I now use elastic bands instead.
3. Cups of Water
Shadow drinks more water than any cat that has ever formed part of my household. However, drinking water isn’t the only reason he often runs out quickly. He likes to play football with his bowl as well, so I invested in heavy ceramic bowls. Well, he jumps on the edge of them to splash the water instead.
Now, what does he do when he is fresh out of water? What do you think he does? He comes to my work desk and sniffs around for my glass and takes a sip. I can no longer leave my glass lying around. I either have to put it in the fridge or in the sink and get a new one when I get back to work.
4. Mom’s Candy
One of the reasons Shadow may need so much water is to quench his sweet tooth. If you read my article on multigenerational living, then you know my Mom and I bought a home together in 2016. There is a door joining my apartment to her house and we often leave it open so Shadow can roam.
A few months ago, he started stealing cough drops from my parents’ master suite on the top floor. I told Mom and she moved the cough drops to a cat-proof location. However, she still keeps a bowl of candy in the living room. Shadow recently discovered it. I’ve been taking lollipops from him for a week. I recently found a stash of four lollipops and one cough drop under the bed.
5. Real Plants
I’ve saved this one for last because I know almost all cats murder plants when you bring them inside. My cat before Shadow tore down my dwarf bamboos and killed my cacti. However, Shadow remains the Plant-Killing Champion. He has killed every plant I have ever brought into the house, except for the orchids.
That said, this plant I caught him chewing on is the only one still standing — barely. He has been swinging off the limbs, pulling off the leaves and kicking bits of it around the living room. Why I bother to subject plants to this massacre, I do not know. We all know what will happen when I take one home. I’m still finding bits and pieces around the house.
Before moving to America, I was a dog person through and through. Shadow and the cat before him completely changed that. Cats are the most unpredictable and amusing pets I have ever had. You never know when they’re going to be swinging off your curtains, stealing your Dad’s Rubik’s cube or chewing threw your husband’s headphones.
If you are (or were) the proud human of a feline, what kind of trouble does your cat get up to? I can’t wait to see the funny stories in the comments!