In early 2016, a client hired me to do some website development and blogging work for his lifestyle brand. After a few months of working on the project, I finally got the opportunity to work with him in person. He greeted me with a compliment on the work I had done so far. I thanked him and told him it was hard work.
For a moment, my response caught him off guard. He burst into laughter and then, he said, “Please don’t ever change. Don’t fake humility. Take credit for your hard work. You earned it!”
Until then, I had not given much thought to the concept of humility. After all, I come from a culture that sports the lion as its “spirit animal”. We celebrate each success often and loudly. Being born and raised a Jamaican is success number one and we are unlikely to let you forget it.
Even so, there are many Jamaicans who practice humility. The keyword here is “practice.” These are people who, ironically enough, take pride in being humble. This is not a Jamaican-only past-time. I have noted this quite often among Americans, since this thought-provoking exchange with my client.
Of course, there might also be people who are genuinely humble — including a rare few Jamaicans. This article is not about you.
What Is Humility?
I can thank my sixth-grade teacher for contributing to my tough skin. I was one of her top students, but her constructive criticism was an everflowing fountain. Every compliment from her came with an asterisk. One criticism she gave me and other students fairly often was our tendency to latch on to specific words.
She explained that there were lazy words in the English language that people used so often, the words began to lose their meanings. Sadly, these are the same words sixth-graders find convenient for our English essays. For this very reason, she provided a list of words we could not use in her class. Her top pet-peeve was the word nice.
I don’t recall humility or humble being on her list, but layman English has changed a lot since I was 11 years old. It would most certainly now fit the criteria for one of the many words Ms. McKellop would ban to the detriment of those of us who scribbled our essays hurriedly in the last 20 minutes of lunch break.
But, what exactly does this over-used word mean? According to the Oxford English Dictionary, “humility is the quality of not thinking that you are better than other people; the quality of being humble.” Merriam-Webster describes it as, “freedom from pride or arrogance.”
What Is Practiced Humility?
I spend a lot of time on Twitter. I would love to tell you it’s because it drives my book sales, which it does, but I just enjoy the banter. I follow some of the most brilliant and hilarious people I have had the pleasure of knowing. They, in turn, follow much of the same and help populate my timeline.
Several days ago, a tweep posted that there is a big difference between being “laid back” and plain old complacent. I agreed and shared that I have learned to avoid men who describe themselves as “laid-back.” Why? Because, in my generation, this is generally code for lazy and complacent.
Quite a few women shared their agreement, but several men rushed to defend themselves. As Jamaicans say, “Mi t’row me corn…” Or, as Americans would say, “A hit dog will holler.” The hollering was quite loud. One guy took an interesting approach and explained that men often described themselves as laid-back because they were humble.
I guffawed on my sofa at this ridiculous explanation. In response, I drew a parallel with the men who shout from the rooftops, “BUT I’M A GOOD GUY!” Almost none of them ever truly are. I added, “In my opinion, there are some things that are only true about a person when someone else says it, not them.”
The guy then responded in the way most Generation-X-and-younger men do when we point out problems like this. He decided that this was because of the men we knew, implying, of course, that he was a man apart from these scoundrels.
Well, that isn’t a very humble response, now, is it? Why no, but he sure took pride in being humble. Do you?
Are You Truly Humble or Just Well-Practiced?
I am a strong advocate for continued self-improvement. We are always capable of being a better version of ourselves tomorrow than we were today. There is nothing wrong with setting aside a list of attributes that you want to make true about yourself or values you wish to attain. However, when it comes to humility, claiming it for yourself invalidates the point altogether.
That creates a bit of a dilemma; doesn’t it? How so? If you rushed to answer yes to the question of humility, maybe you’re not as humble as you think you are. There is just no way to say, “Yes! I am humble!” without patting yourself on the back. That might beg the question: is ANYONE humble?
That’s a debate I am open to hearing. As for me, personally, I see nothing wrong with thinking highly of yourself. The trick is to base those opinions on fact, merit, and a commitment to continued self-improvement. Thereafter, I say, celebrate as loudly and often as you like.
I don’t care if you just bought your first bicycle or you’re one day sober. Celebrate like you just won the lottery — and count me in!
The problem with a lot of people nowadays is that they think unless you spend a lot, it don’t mean shit. If you went from a 1992 car to a 2002 car, applaud your damn self! Especially if you worked hard for it.
— Junae 🧜🏽♀️ Ariel (@_ohsomagical_) August 3, 2020
Find Me On:
This debate is like the “is anyone truly altruistic?” debate. The thing is, if you have to mention it, especially to show it off, then I don’t think you’re humble at all. What you can do, is practice some humility, but you wouldn’t *truly* be humble, in my honest estimation.
I think humility is an amazing concept, but I don’t live in it 100%. There are times I indulge in the sins of social media and brag about myself just a little bit 😫😪. And then there’s times where I am thankful for my blessings and I work on making them greater, whilst never being too proud.
I believe, like patience, humility is a virtue– one that many of us can/will never possess.
I agree with you completely on humility. Once you start to brag about it, it cancels itself.
Altruism is similar, but it’s also a little different. I don’t think mentioning altruism automatically cancels it. It depends on how the person says it. If it’s bragging, cancelled. If it’s posting for clout on social media, cancelled. But if it’s mentioned in more of a matter of fact way, then I think that’s fine.
I guess we all have to draw our own lines somewhere. 😂
I loved this piece. I really appreciate this insight, Alexis! Humility is such an underrated value. Thanks for reminding me and others of this!
Thanks for reading, Brandon! And you’re welcome for the reminder. ☺️
You are most welcome, Alexis!
I am reminded of Uriah Heep from Great Expectations–” I am so very very ‘umble.” I love the guys who keep insisting they are the exception when clearly they are sterling examples!
The lack of self-awareness is very telling. I suppose we have all made ironic claims about ourselves, but to me, this one takes the cake.
Absolutely.
Love this post and the topic in particular.
I was always told not to take pride in antyhing I did, for others could do it better (yea… I know). I am learing how to take credit for my brilliancy nowadays, but it’s a challenge for me. I’ve always been so good at praising others and not myself, it feels unnatural to state out loud the things I did well. So I guess you could say I was forcefed humility as a kid and still exude it today (albeit less).
Samantha, I am going to ruin all that you’ve learned! 😂
Take pride in EVERYTHING you do, no matter your skill levels. Acknowledge your wins as much as your losses and know your strengths as well as your weaknesses.
The problem is that many people announce their successes but hide their failures. I think we should hold ourselves accountable for both. The fact that someone can do better or has survived worse should never negate your successes and struggles.
Wishing you all the best on your journey to give yourself more credit. ☺️
Haha, thanks! I am on my way, it’s a slow ascend, but I’m getting there 😁
Love the post.
Are you familiar with this piece?
I don’t listen to country music, so I’ve never heard it before. I just looked up the lyrics. Thanks for sharing! ☺️
I have fairly eclectic tastes in music, from the Brandenburg Concertos to rap. There’s some really good country pieces, of which this is one. Another is “The Dance” — whether the Dave Koz (jazz) or Garth Brooks (country) version. It could be argued that “The Dance” and Barbieri’s “Europa” are the two most romantic songs ever written.
I’m more of an electronic and rock kinda gal. 😆 The two most romantic songs I can think of are “Breathe” by Angel and Airwaves and “Magic” by Coldplay.
Humility is Equal to Meek
As Love it Does the Very Best it Can And Will Always
Stands Proud, Strong,
Fearless; Never Demands Worship and Is Careful
To treat all Others
Including The
Rest of Nature
With Least
Harm And Most
Love What Humility
Does Best is encourage
Others They Have Potential
To do Even
More
Humility
The Meek
Inherit the
Ability To
Make Others
Real Heroes
With Empathy
Too… Where there
Is Demand For
Worship Ever
Non-Forgiving
And Ever Torturing
There is No Love
No Humility No
Meek No
God
No
Jesus or
Other Lies
That Do not
Tell the Truth
In Wisdom of
Beauty’s Love
All that is Left
Is The Trump Meme
And Theme indeed…
For Us To understand
What Love Is Not
Happy
Sunday
With SMiLes
Of Wind That Sees😁
The irony comes in when you say, “…will always stand PROUD.” Pride is the opposite of humility. I’m sure one can be proud of oneself without thinking one is better than someone else, but they are generally considered mutually exclusive terms. That’s the point of the post: the irony that claiming humility takes pride.
No Lower No Higher
Proud like the Wind
Blows as Waves Flow
As Ocean Stands Whole
Pride as in Our Inherent
Nature of Cooperating
Together With Love
All Standing Tall
Don’t
Know
About
You
But
i find This
Pride Naked
And Real not
The False Pride
That CuLTuRaL
Clothes Wears
In terms of
Suits
And
Pre-Determined
Castes of Higher
And Lower… WHere
Differences Are
Appreciated
With
No
Separation
i surely don’t
Believe i am
The only
One
In
This Place
For when one
Becomes one with
Nature (God)
THere is No
Fall Or Rise
or Need for
Bows And
Salutes As
The Wave Neither
Requires Worship
Or Fears Criticism
From Either
Water
Or Ocean
Same Whole..:)
i feel many people, myself included, do not take gratitude from others easily. why? i feel it is because we dont hear it often enough and we usually dont give ourselves the credit for doing a good job. we dont expect to hear positive things from others for we dont have good thoughts/feelings about ourselves. many will do just the minimum to get by.
another good post
Interesting! 🤔
I think entitlement in this country is what may make gratitude so meagerly shared with you. People have this kind of belief that they are owed something, so when they receive it, they don’t really feel or show gratitude. Even the “thank you for your service”….just empty words half the time.
In Jamaica, what we feel entitled to is the gratitude. You better say thank you or we’re either taking it back/undoing what we did/avoiding you for the rest of eternity. 😂 It’s considered EXTREMELY rude not to give gratitude and due credit.
But …we also believe gratitude and credit should be earned. We don’t hand out A for effort.
Thanks for reading as always. ☺️