I Am Tired of Listening to White American Men Complain

In a country built on White patriarchal values, no one is as oppressed as White American men―at least, that’s how several of them tell the story. This is a narrative I heard immediately upon arrival in America in 2015 and they have not shut up about it since. It was especially loud when Biden decided that the judges on America’s highest court should look like the demographics of the country it served―like just about every other sensible country in the world.

Back in 2015, the ranting was amusing to me. I listened to them complain and thought:

Wow! One day I hope I have the honour and privilege of complaining about things like these.

However, in time, the complaints got old. That’s because, despite having a lot of immigrant, LGBTQIA, and BIPOC friends, I promise you: no one complains as much as White American men. It is especially terrible among millennial men, but Gen X, and Boomers are almost as guilty. If I have to listen to another one rant about his free-dumbs, I think I might permanently plug my ears. So, what exactly are they complaining about?

Age-Related Entitlement

A common theme I have heard from White millennial men is that they have arrived at a particular age and should have certain things. They are very angry at society for not providing them, despite doing nothing exceptional to have earned these exceptional accomplishments. Even worse, they are angry at me for having them when they do not. What often starts off as admiration of my immigrant journey quickly grows into hatred and resentment.

Obviously, this is not always the case, but it is true in 99% of cases involving the complainers. White men have trolled and lambasted me for the following reasons:

  • Choosing to buy a home in the ‘burbs with my parents instead of paying city rent and having 10 roommates
  • Choosing to work 7 days per week when I first arrived so that I now only need to work for 3
  • Taking the pay cuts to build my business so I can work for myself instead of The Man
  • Choosing to spend my resources on minimalism and travel instead of the debt-inducing American dream

First-World Poverty

Last week, a man asked me about my travel setup. After sharing, he told me he wanted to tow a trailer, so I shared the information I had. He quipped that “some of us” did not have my “budget” and then began to list out my accomplishments and possessions. He told me he was jealous because he should have these things. Then, he began to complain about how he had grown up in poverty and was now recovering.

I’m sorry, but is this the part where we hold hands and bond and sing Kumbaya? I have often wondered if Americans know how obnoxious and tone-deaf it is to complain to Third-Worlders about First-World poverty. Yes, you are poor enough that you have to live in your car and take Social Security benefits. In my country, poor people cannot afford cars and we do not have unemployment or disability benefits.

Pay-Related Complaints

In the last job I held in Jamaica, I earned $3.50 per hour filing payroll taxes for Delta Airlines. Back in 2015, listening to Americans complain about getting $15 per hour for working in retail was fascinating. It seemed like a lovely complaint to have! But, as I said, eventually I got sick of hearing it.

Do I think retail workers and other everyday Americans should have livable wages? Absolutely! If you tried to pay me $15 per hour today, I would laugh. But, do I specifically want to listen to the most well-paid demographic complain about their pay? Not particularly.

Affirmative Action

While in Mexico, I met an Arizonan who was traveling solo. Our mutual friends invited him to one of our campfire get-togethers and we got to talking. I thought he was very interesting at first, particularly because he was originally from Canada. However, as we continued our conversation, I could see why he had chosen Arizona as his home for several years. He shared that he used to work on government contracts before migrating to Mexico but grew dissatisfied because, in his words, Black women could easily get all the contracts without trying.

If you don’t know the law regarding this, the federal government requires federal contractors to follow an 80 | 20 rule. This rule requires federal contractors hiring more than 50,000 people to balance every 80 White men hired with 20 minorities. These minorities are not just BIPOC. The group includes women and people with disabilities of all racial and ethnic groups. In spite of this, women and marginalized groups receive only 10% of government contracts. But, this poor White man who could afford to retire comfortably in his 50s was miserably oppressed by Black women getting contracts.

I understand that everyone has their struggles, no matter how wealthy and privileged they might be. Over the years, I have had many amazing conversations with people of all backgrounds. We have shared what our individual concerns and struggles are and shared tips on how we each made it to where we stood. This is different from the complaining, oppressed White man bemoaning the loss of his free-dumbs because he increasingly has to compete on a basis of merit instead of mere privilege.

I do believe that these men should have a listening ear and that they have every right to complain to someone about their First World Problems. All I ask is that they do not choose me―a Black, female, Third-World immigrant who knows what it’s like to live on $3.50 and who has fought tooth and nail for everything she has.

Feel jealous? Don’t tell me. Want to celebrate with me or get advice on how to advance your own dreams? My comments, DMs, and emails are wide open!

PS:- I just know someone is going to read this and want to argue semantics regarding my use of the term “Third World”. As someone born and raised in an alleged sh!t-hole country, I reserve the right to call myself whatever I please and you are free to refer to yourself as whatever you like. Good day!

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25 thoughts on “I Am Tired of Listening to White American Men Complain

  1. you seem to run into some interesting people. the only reason those “white men” dislike you is because they are just jealous. they are mad at themselves for their laziness. i think it is awesome you have been able to do the things you have done. i agree people should receive a living wage. and now that fast food workers are getting at least $15/hr around here at least, they should be able to get my order right. lol it was a very rare occasion before the pandemic, if my order was not correct. now, since january 2/3rds of the time, my order is wrong. lol

    1. I’m not sure “interesting” is the word I would use. American millennial men drive me nuts with very few exceptions! 😂

      They have been honest about their jealousy. What confuses me is that they say it in a way as if that’s not supposed to be a problem. I don’t understand if they think I’m supposed to take it as a compliment or if they think I “deserve” to then stand there and listen to them wail and cry and bawl about them not achieving the same things. Very confusing!

      You know, my order is rarely wrong, but I also don’t eat out very often. The issue I run into is people handling my food with no mask on!

  2. A very sad situation, but honestly be happy staying in the USA. Here in Germany you would get the same, in a much harder way. It’s just portrayed differently in the media. 😉 Happy May, and enjoy a great week! xx Michael

    1. Thanks for dropping by, Michael! I’m sorry to hear Germany has also gone down that path. I will say that Europeans do not complain to me like that. Maybe they continue to complain amongst themselves but spare my ears, haha.

      Happy May to you too! Have a great month!

  3. Great piece. Too many Americans think they are entitled to everything whether they earn it or steal it. What is even more frightening is that they come from all walks of life and by the way, it is not just American men as the women are just as bad if not worse.

    1. I do agree that entitlement is an overall American problem. However, I disagree that the American women are just as bad.

      Most of the women I know here have made something of themselves and are happy to celebrate the successes of friends and strangers. The only complainer I knew was a White Jew who was very upset that people didn’t recognize she was Jewish because she “passed for White” but who quite literally burst out laughing while I discussed my Irish heritage with a mutual friend. I’ve seen the Karens online, but that’s about it.

    2. And thank you! I’m glad you took the time to read and share your thoughts! ☺️

  4. This white, straight American male says… Good for you for working hard to achieve what you want! And even I am super sick of hearing all of that BS from people that are supposed to be my demographic.

    1. There are definitely a lot of exceptions that I am lucky enough to call friends and they are as annoyed as you are. I just wish these men would shut up, get a job, work hard like everyone else and achieve things on their own merit.

      As one of my White male friends said recently, they are so focused on POC “taking” their resources and not realizing that the demographic they should be worried about are the billionaires raping the world’s resources to fatten themselves.

      1. The problem is, those billionaires are creating the “class wars” between people who are actually in economically similar situations to keep the attention off of them. They are also pointing out all sorts of scapegoats for these perceived problems so they can’t be blamed.

      2. I can’t disagree with that. However, I will also say that many Americans have enough to be perfectly content, but they reap the seeds of discontent that billionaires have sewed just for them.

      3. Yep, and that goes to almost all Americans, even the ones that don’t say the stupid things your post was about. And I catch it in myself more than I will admit…

      4. Self-awareness and introspection is all I ask! You’re on the right path. ☺️

  5. You hit the nail on the damn head!!! When I hear these Americans complain, I really have to go–must be nice. 🙃🙃. Last year, I got a chance to understand the American landscape of work, “low wages” and the general standards of living. And while I get it, I still see why Jamaicans and other immigrants call them lazy. 🙄

    1. “Must be nice!” is correct. That’s exactly what I thought when I first got here.

      The one who got jealous after I tried to help him find a trailer? He does not work! How can someone complain about being poor while choosing not to work during a frickin labor shortage?

      Jah jah! Come down and touch dem people ya cause mi TIREDT!! 😭

  6. I would dearly love to have that one wish granted by the genie. I would wish for a complete reversal of wealth, privilege, and fortune throughout the world. That is the only way that those pompous, overprivileged and ungrateful beings would understand how the world has been working up to now. I would love to see Mitch McConnell and Lindsey Graham, amongst many others, cleaning out slurry pits for minimum wage!

    1. That is a mighty wish, Peter! It would have some interesting results. Sadly, I think if the tables were turned with any other group, the result would be the same.

      As the saying goes, when people are accustomed to privilege, equality feels like oppression.

      Personally, I just want us all to have fair chances at good outcomes….without having to listen to White American men complain about it. I am at my wit’s end on that one. I don’t have a nerve left for them to step on!

  7. This is everything Alexis ! It is something I come accross here in Canada sometimes. We are very diverse and some feel threatened just by seeing that we are able to breathe the same air. Luckily, so far i’ve only met a minority and the majority is very welcoming and grateful.

    I had seen a tik tok the other day predicting a potential rise in immigration to address the labor shortage and that some tantrums and more entitled complaining are ahead …

    Have a great day and keep on shining!

    1. Thank you for sharing this, Josie! I guess maybe the Canadian-Arizonan was not an anomaly after all. He really caught me off guard with his complaints about the government contracts. I thought for sure he was joking, but as he continued to explain and rant, I realized this man was dead serious.

      I am glad Canada is looking to immigration to solve its labor shortages. America would rather complain about it, not work and then harass the immigrants who come here that are willing to do the jobs they don’t even want.

      Ay! It’s such a mess. I’m hoping you encounter less whining up there than they predict.

      Thanks again for reading and taking the time to share your experience.

  8. I think of the old saying about the fish that can’t perceive the ocean it swims in. Being born and raised and living as a member of a privileged group is like that. The person can go their whole life completely unconscious of how much they have benefited and relied on their privilege, and that of their fore-bearers. So, they get to complain about their personal problems. This is exactly why the politicians who exploit the complaints fight tooth and nail against teaching what they call “CRT”, which might bring that privilege into conscious awareness.

    1. That is an EXCELLENT point.
      Sadly, that requires self-awareness and taking accountability. Those are not common traits in this culture. Individualism has its benefits but the ego and the need to keep up with appearances are definitely not two of them.

      1. Gf you hit the nail on the head with this post. As an American who has been in this earth for 69 years, praise God, I can tell you that this whining is nothing new, but it’s gotten worse in the past few years now you got this whoosy boy entitlement thingy going on with white men. They feel that things SHOULD have been given to them no matter what. When that doesn’t happen they act worse than my great great nephew who’s 4 years old and doesn’t know any better. These pendejos need to blame someone for the fact that they’re a bunch of losers.

      2. I’m glad you can confirm it isn’t new. Boomers and Gen X often throw shade on the Millennials for their entitlement. Whenever they do, I tell them, “You’re ALL entitled. It just manifested differently with Millennials than it did with the rest of you.”

        They are not happy with me when I say this, but the truth is the truth. If they think blasting someone else’s country for oil or Panama Canals does not come from a place of entitlement, they need to read some history books and see a shrink.

        It is sad that the entitlement is not improving. Good luck to us all!

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